I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
