No awkward lesbian experiences without me
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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