Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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