Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
