Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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