It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
