I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
