Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
