we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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