did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
