wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
