my vag is so smooth its legendary
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
