Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
