nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
