you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
