Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
