The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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