Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
