Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
