i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
