I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
