you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
