I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
