im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You're a disaster
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