What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
