Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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