you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
