everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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