after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
