i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
