I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
