really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
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i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
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i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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