He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
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i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
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you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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