i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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