someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
