how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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