Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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