If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
