She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
