Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My dick has a subreddit
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
