Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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