Is it normal to miss your booty call?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
