went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
