I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
