Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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