you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Randomize
