Soap is not a condiment
organizing the empties. That sober.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
