I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So much Jack, so little girl.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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