You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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