do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
