You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
