Me. At least after what I've been through.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
