She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
