shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
