It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
