Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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