Someone shit on the floor
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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