Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
