haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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