i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
