I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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