What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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