that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
