I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
