This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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