I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
