Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
