So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
