help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
