Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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