i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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