I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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