I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
