I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
