I feel like I'm in dance class right now
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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