Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
