I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
