Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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