best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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