when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize